5 Pitfalls of an Effective Leader #2 Ingesting Harmful Words

#2  Ingesting Harmful Words

If the old anthem of, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is true then lateral violence would be limited to slingshots and homemade spears. All of us have had someone say something to us or about us to another person that had a positive or negative impact. We may have heard about it afterward but, lone behold, it moved our emotions. The spectrum of affect is really based on the level of influence and space people have in our lives. The more influence we afford certain people, the more potential there is for hurt. This means that the people closest to us have the greatest potential to inspire our minds and push onwards in our ventures, or inflict soul-wounds. Opposition in any form, from any person can be difficult. As we reframe our mentalities we can push through the emotional muck and continue being effective within our communities, but the process of coming out on the other side of adversity and going through that “tunnel,” isn’t so clean cut as it sounds. Here are 3 truths to keep in mind when you hear negative things about you, and hopefully can help you navigate this pitfall:

1.Understand that insecure people lash out against confident people.

For the sincere community leader, who may or may not occupy a position, and who desires the best for their community, this may be your challenge. People who are not confident in themselves, or about who or what they represent, tend to be the aggressors against people doing good work. (That’s not to say all of us don’t have insecurities hidden in our blind spots.) I’ve seen this happen time and time again within my community and within other communities in the Syilx nation. It can come across as passive-aggressive phrases that are meant to cut deep, or by out-right aggressive behaviour. Our insecurities are toxicity that should be addressed at every turn, lest they tear down our reputations and legacies as resurgent communities. The important thing to remember in this context is that these aggressors are giving you an unofficial stamp of approval. If you weren’t doing good work, then there wouldn’t be unfounded opposition. Just make sure your work is good work!

2.We are complex. Our circumstances in which we reside are complex.

The tip of the ice berg analogy suits this point well. It’s difficult to know exactly why a person lashes out against us or why we respond accordingly. Maybe we did do something that caused wrinkles. Maybe the person(s) have undergone overwhelming circumstances and it has nothing to do with what we did, but maybe who we remind them of. There are so many reason as to why somebody would do something, let alone why we would react a certain way to the people around us. It could very well be that we are the ones misinterpreting the atmosphere and words around us. The times where I have been the most confused as to why I was the object of hate, anger, belittling or minimizing, were the times when another story was being played out in the background and I was the unfortunate collateral damage. Having understanding about our circumstances helps put things in perspective.

3.Keep shining bright!

Irregardless of whether the words against us are intentional or a result of the ice berg syndrome, the best and most productive response to words or actions against us is to shine brighter! Putting energy into plotting revenge or playing the game of “eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth,” only steeps us to the aggressor’s level and causes us to lose our focus. Perhaps the best analogy I was ever given is of the eagle and the crow: the cawing annoyance of the crow is a steady annoyance to the eagle. The only way for the eagle to escape their “cawing” is to fly to a height to which the crow cannot reach. As leaders, we need to fly high where the crows hold no power over our mindsets. To put a cherry on top of this analogy, flying high gives you the perspective to move forward! Shine bright and prove yourself better than the false narratives!