5 Pitfalls of an Effective Leader #1 Avoid Relational Boundaries

#1 Avoid Relational Boundaries

Ever come across a sign that says “No Trespassing,” or “Private Property?” Maybe you’ve crossed that fence line despite the glaring sign that states otherwise and was confronted by an angry dog, or worse, an unhappy property owner. (Just tell him or her, it’s your traditional unceded territory.) Boundaries are usually in place for good reason: safety. When you transfer this truth to your relationships in the context of being a community leader, it will serve you well. As you give your energy, your love, your mind, and your words in community work, there will be seasons where you need to retreat to a space with signs and boundaries in order to rejuvenate and recharge. Sometimes those seasons will be few and far between, and sometimes they will frequent your life more than expected. It all depends on your level of giving and output. Relational boundaries keep us emotionally organized. They are the buffer and the safeguard against unwanted affliction. The more responsibility you carry, then more influence you have, the more these relational boundaries will be need to be examined. They are necessary for encouragement, reflection, input, and most importantly, recharge. Here are 3 relational boundaries that I have learned over the years that have served me well and just might prove well for you. I will touch briefly on the first two and expand on the third. My goal is to unpack this entire concept further in a future post. For now, I hope that it helps in some way:

1. The Outer Circle:

The outer circle is where you interact with EVERYONE. These are the speaking events, the community events, the workshops, the classroom, the conference, the everything and everywhere.  It is a place of giving and empowering those around you.

1. Middle Circle:

This is your team space, your casual friendships, your middle ground between your inner circle and outer circle. If your leadership influence dwells in the positional field, then you probably have a lot of exposure to this area.

1. Inner Circle:

This should be your most guarded circle. Entrance into this area of your life is not trivial, nor should it be taken lightly. The people who occupy this sphere are the ones whom you have given permission to pour into your heart and soul, who have influence into your thinking, and if you let just anyone in, the result can be less than helpful. I have a handful of people who occupy this space. They are people who I consider effective community leaders who have built solid reputations and have proven themselves in their character over the years. They are my closest and most valued relationships. I look to them for insight, for wisdom and I have given them the green light when it comes to inner-most commentary.  Entrance is not granted lightly.  It should be noted that this circle is not for keeping people out, but about keeping your family and your leadership essence safe. Every leader needs a space where they can breathe and know they can share openly and be refreshed. As one of my inner circle comrades said to me, “A real community leader gives without expecting anything in return. It’s not about you.” He is right. The missing piece is that you need space to recharge and reflect, and that involves good people with good words. Don’t forget there is unceded territory in your heart.